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Women are too wise to opt for polygamy
(by Christine Thome - September 03, 2008)
Women are too wise to opt for polygamy
I just finished reading "The 19th Wife," by David Ebershoff, the historical fiction account of polygamy and the subsequent divorce of self-proclaimed prophet and leader of the Mormon Church, Brigham Young, and his 19th wife, Ann Eliza. Bouncing between the 1870s and a present-day polygamy sect where a murder has been committed, it is a fascinating account of the roots of polygamy and why it continues today as a fringe religion.
I am no book critic, and certainly I don't have the influence of Oprah Winfrey to bring a struggling author to the pedestal of fame. This book wasn't even the best book I have ever read, but I found the idea of having, or even wanting, more than one wife at a time strangely interesting.
Obviously, it was a man who came up with polygamy and the idea that the more women you "marry" and have intimate relationships with, the greater your glory will be in heaven. Sounds very similar to the terrorists' belief that a multitude of virgins are awaiting them after they "obey" the words of Allah and blow up a bunch of innocent people, doesn't it?
I understand that it's all about having absolute control over someone else, but, beyond that, why would a man want more than one wife at a time?
"Honey? Would you ever want another wife while you're still married to me?" I asked John one night after I started reading "The 19th Wife."
"Is this one of those trick questions like, 'Do these jeans make my butt look big?' or, 'Do you think that woman across the room is attractive?' because I've learned I can't win at those questions," he replied with a look of great fear in his eyes.
"No, not at all. I'm reading this book about the history of polygamy, and I'm just trying to understand how a man can want to have multiple wives and more children than he can count."
"No way, honey. One of you is wonderful, and four kids are more than enough," he responded correctly. Although I'm sure if he could choose multiple wives from Hugh Hefner's Playboy mansion, he may give the idea of polygamy some serious consideration.
After reading this book, it has become very apparent that women are much smarter than men. After all, you have never seen a practicing woman polygamist. Ladies, can you imagine what it would be like to have three or four husbands at one time?
I guess the only way I might even consider it is if I could clone one man who would have the handyman skills of Bob Villa, the looks of George Clooney and the voice of Antonio Banderas. But with my luck, I would get Larry, Curly and Moe.
Since reading this book, I have a recurring nightmare that I come home from car pooling my 20 children to practices and lessons only to find my four husbands sitting in front of the television with beers and no dinner started.
"I thought I asked you guys to take out the trash and start dinner," I would say angrily.
"Sorry, honey," several would reply. "But the big game is on right now. Can you grab us a few more beers from the fridge?"
"And the children's homework? John, you're the smart one; did you help them with their spelling words?"
"Sorry, honey, I forgot all about it. But you're home now; they like doing homework with you better," he would reply.
"Who's dirty socks are on the floor?"
"His!" "His!" "His!" "His!" they would all reply and point.
As I bend down to pick up the dirty socks, I would suddenly hear a loud fart followed by an even louder belch.
"Who did that?" I would demand.
Laughing like schoolboys, they would throw around a bunch of high fives and knuckle knocks while screaming, "I did!" "No, I did it!"
But the scariest part of my recurring nightmare occurs when all of our 20 children ask their respective fathers a question, and they reply in unison, "Go ask your mother."
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