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Naked meters are less indecent
(by Barbara Christian - August 27, 2009)
WINDOW ON MAIN STREET, BY BARBARA CHRISTIAN
Naked meters are less indecent
We have always admired Cleveland Heights for a number of reasons. Its lovely old homes, diverse population, political activism, its Bohemian beat, hip street scene and proximity to the big city.
It is just the coolest place in the area. So that's why we had a Scooby Doo "Huh?" moment last week when the big-city daily carried a story about a beautification project being carried out by a well-intentioned but perhaps deluded group of Cleveland Heights citizens.
God bless them, they are knitting colorful jumpsuits for the parking meters, trees and lampposts in some of the retail areas of their town.
As my friend Mimi said when she called to draw my attention to the story, "It's such an un-Cleveland Heights-ish thing to do."
Agreed. Why not some nice murals around town or public sculpture to dress up the place. But jumpsuits for parking meters? Even Christo would raise an eyebrow.
According to the story we read, the colorful additions to the Cleveland Heights parking areas are intended to turn the objectionable idea of paying the meter into a happy memory of grandma's house and the cozy Afghan she cuddled you in on a cold and snowy day.
To be honest -- and take it from one who has gotten parking tickets in Cleveland Heights -- there is not enough yarn in the world to make a happy memory out of finding a parking ticket on the windshield. It's there, because you were so incredulous that your meter was dressed in a multicolored jumpsuit that you forgot to add the extra quarter.
Hmmmm. Could it be the eager knitters of Cleveland Heights are in league with the city in an effort to raise funds in this a weak economy? Some eager reporter covering that town ought to look into the possibility of a conspiracy afoot.
What will happen when the snow starts to fall and plows start spreading politically correct ice-be-gone stuff all over the streets of Cleveland Heights and the gaily dressed parking meters? Will the colors turn slush gray? You betcha.
And will bad parkers bump into those meters? No doubt. We can see it now. A car with a rusty fender catches a knitted strand then pulls out of its parking space, undressing the meter as it goes. What if children are around? What about the decency laws in Cleveland Heights?
Jumpsuits for parking meters. And we thought those black funeral urns Chagrin Falls beautification volunteers planted on the sidewalks a few years ago were an abomination. It's lucky they didn't think of a knitting project, or we might have seen the bandstand wrapped in a mauve mohair shawl.
Chagrin Falls has a few parking meters left, and we have our fingers crossed the Yo-Ho (Your Hometown Chagrin Falls) group doesn't follow Cleveland Heights' lead in a similar project.
I can hear them planning an array of rainbow Onesies for the parking meters in the newborn arts district. Of course, Chagrin's would be better than Cleveland Heights' jumpsuits. The Onesies would have a snap crotch so they can be removed and laundered.
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