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Post-birthday gift is sure to get good use
(by Christine Thome - September 10, 2009)
BEYOND MY CONTROL, BY CHRISTINE THOME
Post-birthday gift is sure to get good use
"I bought you girls a new, fancy and very expensive present today," I told my three daughters when they returned home from school.
"Oooooo! Really?!" one daughter yelled as her face lit up at the prospect of receiving something new and unexpected, not to mention something fancy and very expensive.
"But our birthday was last week!" said another.
"This isn't a birthday gift. It's just an 'I love you' gift," I replied.
"What is it?" they all screamed in anticipation.
"You can find it upstairs," I said. "It's made of fine materials yet has a great deal of power, and it is something I know you girls just can't live without."
They ran up the stairs, pushing and pulling each other so as to be the first one to view their expensive new gift.
After a few minutes, they reappeared downstairs with a look of confusion on their faces.
"Where is it? We didn't see anything new," they asked hesitantly, not wanting to seem too greedy.
"It's a new toilet in your bathroom!" I screamed with joy.
They immediately collapsed on the couch with a sigh of defeat and disgust.
"Eeewww! That is so gross, Mom!" one daughter cried.
"Hey, it's not my fault you girls broke the old one," I reminded her. "Trust me, the last thing I wanted to spend hundreds of dollars on this month is a new toilet."
It's not enough that August was filled with three of my four children's birthdays, but then comes the barrage of back-to-school supplies, school fees, school clothes, school shoes, sport fees, sport shoes and gear and donations to school organizations. By the end of the month, I barely have two nickels to rub together.
Last week, as I was trying to make the grocery budget stretch for one more day by concocting a dinner made of frost-burned waffles, frozen corn and half a jar of salsa, my daughter announced that the ceiling in the mud room was dripping.
I'm no Bob Vila, but I do know that ceilings are not supposed to drip. I also know that, when they do, it's usually a very expensive problem.
"Aw sh--," I muttered when the plumber told me that the toilet was cracked and needed to be replaced.
"Yep, that's what they all say, which is kinda funny, because that's probably what got you in this trouble to start with," he said with a laugh.
"Maybe that should be your new marketing slogan -- 'We're No. 1 in plumbing for your No. 2 problems,'" I quipped as I left the bathroom to call my husband.
"Aw sh--," John replied when I told him the problem and the subsequent financial impact.
"That's exactly what I said," I told him. "We really don't have much of a choice here, so I'm going to tell him to go ahead with it."
"The girls could use the trees in the back yard for a month or two," he said jokingly. "I'll even nail a mirror up out there for them."
"Maybe we can market that idea," I said. "Our slogan can be, 'Putting the poop back into nature's loop.'"
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