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Breathe easier through ingenuity
(by Barbara Christian - December 02, 2009)
WINDOW ON MAIN STREET, BY BARBARA CHRISTIAN
Breathe easier through ingenuity
We Americans are a pretty inventive lot; thus the phrase "American ingenuity." But we don't have a perfect batting average. Wouldn't you agree, not every idea is a winner.
One of the worst is that bottled juice that blends vegetables and fruit. My stomach turns at the thought.
We are all strapped for time, but, please, spare a little bit so you can consume your serving of vegetables and your serving of fruit separately in a non-blended and non-nauseating state.
But the invention that is most upsetting and a good example of why much of the rest of the world alternately admires and hates Americans is an item which allows you to play with your dog without expending any energy.
It's an automatic ball launcher, a kind of ball-throwing machine for your dog. Come on, folks, what are we coming to if we can't spare the time or energy to play fetch with Fido?
Not to put too fine a point on it, but allow me to tell you about this gadget that plays with your dog for you.
It comes with a 17-tennis-ball hopper that can be set to launch a ball from 15 to 35 feet in seven to 15 seconds, depending on your dog's speed and athleticism. Notice I said your dog's speed and athleticism. You don't need any. If you are clever, you can train your dog to put the balls back into the machine, so you don't have to. This, in turn, leaves you free to sit in your recliner and read a book on your Kindle machine. Another questionable idea.
When all is said and done, it appears the automatic ball launcher is a really a toy for the dog owner who has everything and the dog who has nothing in the way of companionship. It will leave you $150 lighter in the wallet. Why do I feel like crying?
But there's more: the automatic canine treadmill. Once again, it's really made for people who do not have the time or energy to walk their faithful companion themselves.
Like the made-for-human treadmill, Bowser's workout machine has an adjustable incline feature, variable speed settings and a timer.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals should look into this gadget for cruelty issues. To whit: The sides of the machine have rails which keep Spot from getting off the contraption, unless he knows that all he has to do is stop walking. This will shoot the animal off the back of the machine. It's a visual that also makes us want to weep.
Between the ball launcher and the treadmill, you must be exhausted, so take a deep breath (literally) and enjoy your own personal oxygen bar, a portable machine that breathes for you. No, I am not kidding. What it does is clean the ambient air then concentrate it to pure oxygen. Strap this baby on and breathe. Warning: At $229, the price may take your breath away.
Every one of the above-mentioned time and energy savers were from the fertile mines of inventive Americans. They may provide clues to why the rest of the world is skeptical of Americans.
There is cold comfort to be taken from this, however, because these gadgets probably are made in China.
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