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Guilty pleasures found in blotter
(by Barbara Christian - December 09, 2009)
WINDOW ON MAIN STREET, BY BARBARA CHRISTIAN
Guilty pleasures found in blotter
The definition of a "guilty pleasure" is enjoying something in private you would never admit in public.
Say you are an intellectual who is conversant on the subject of great world philosophies. That would be something you wouldn't mind people knowing. But let's say you are also a fiend for TV reality shows. That's a guilty pleasure. Guilt because of the time wasted on such trivial things and pleasure because you secretly like "Keeping up With the Kardashians."
A guilty pleasure we know many of you can identify with is the Times' police blotter. Admit it, you are way too interested in this feature and spend way to much time wondering about the identities of all those unnamed complainers and complainees.
Here is an example: "A Chagrin Falls man was warned about his behavior May 23, when a neighbor called to report he was standing at the curb in front of his home mooning the Blossom Time Parade. He was warned he would be cited if he continued."
First, they would not admit to reading the item -- the guilt of it all. While on the sly, they were going through the criss-cross directory to come up with the identity of the Chagrin Falls "man in the moon."
What makes reading the police blotter a guilty pleasure is we don't want to be caught reveling a bit too much in the misfortunes of others.
Through the years, there have been some pretty classic blotter entries. Like the one in which police received a call from the Chagrin Falls Methodist Church of someone disturbing the peace and quiet of South Franklin Street.
The complainant stated a wedding was in progress and that someone was on the sidewalk in front of the sanctuary making noise and ruining the service. When police arrived, they found two 10-year-old boys riding their skateboards over a large sheet of bubble wrap.
Sometimes the police blotter can be a source of embarrassment for the complainant. A South Main Street woman, upon arriving home late one August evening, panicked at the sight of a sick bat fluttering around on her kitchen table. She called police, who investigated then reported that the bat was a brown plastic bag animated by ceiling fan set on high.
An item printed in the blotter last week is destined to become a classic with time, because it presented such good visuals. It happened in Chagrin Falls when a Gates Mills man arrived at a relative's Chagrin Falls home to pick up some personal papers. He reported that, as he was leaving, he dropped one of the papers, and that's when a woman jumped on his back, kicked him in the side and pushed him out the door. The victim did not want the relative charged but did want a police record of the assault. The headline on the blotter incident was, "Man wants assault on file." If it were me, I would have headed it, "Heigh-ho, Silver." It was just that kind of image.
Judging by the blotter's popularity, it probably should be located in the entertainment section. From a personal point of view, we took it as high praise when a reader called to say he reads this column every week without fail, "right after the police blotter."
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