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Mother's law applies to supply and demand
BEYOND MY CONTROL, BY CHRISTINE THOME
Mother's law applies to supply and demand
Because of the recent economic disaster, which occurred in part because so many people spent more than they made for years on end, some educational organizations are pushing for schools to teach "personal finance" to students.
My children may be complete idiots when it comes to social studies, English and science, but let me tell you, they've got this personal finance thing down. It's called, "Keep the change," or more accurately, "Keep Mom's change."
Because babysitting, snow shoveling and grass cutting doesn't always bring in enough dollars for their Starbucks and Chipotle runs, they have found a sneaky way to pad their bottom lines.
"Mom! Can I have some money for the movies?" one daughter shouts as she prepares to go out with her friends.
I don't give our kids an allowance, because I believe putting a roof over their heads and food in their mouths more than pays for the times I ask them to take out the garbage and clean the kitty litter. However, I do chip in for some of their social activities when they've gone above and beyond the call of duty at home.
"Here's 10 bucks," I say.
"That's not enough!" she cries. "It costs $7 to get in and $4 for a Slushie."
I'm no genius myself, but I do know that $4 plus $7 is $11 -- just one more dollar than I gave her. As I look into my wallet to give her one more dollar, I find I only have a 20-dollar bill.
"I'll just take the 20," she says as she shoves the $10 back into my wallet.
"I want the change!" I demand.
"I know, don't worry," she yells as she slams the door behind her.
But we both know that I don't remember anything for longer than 30 minutes; thus, the child not only gets money for a movie and a snack, but she gets paid $9 extra for doing it. Bernie Madoff would be so proud of my children.
Because the Mom ATM is quickly running dry, I've decided it's time to recoup some of my change. That's why I'm taking my cues from the airline industry and charging for any extra services that are provided by me, the mom.
"Mom, can I have another napkin?" my son asked at dinner the other night.
"Sure, but it will cost you 50 cents," I said.
"What?" he cried.
"You got one napkin with your dinner. If you want another one, it is going to cost you," I stated matter-of-factly.
"But we're eating barbecue ribs! They're messy!"
"Fifty cents or do what you always do and use your sleeve," I said, holding my hand out.
"What if we need help with our homework?" one daughter asked.
"I will help each of you with one subject a day. Additional subjects will cost you $1 each."
"What if I forget my book at home and need you to bring it to me at school?"
"That will cost you $1 per trip, but I'll be generous and bring you as many things as you need in that one trip. If you're smart, you'll hunt down your brother and sisters at school and see what they need. That way you can split the cost."
"Second helpings at dinner?" another daughter asked.
"Fifty cents. Unless it's meatloaf. Then I'll discount it to 25 cents to get rid of it."
"This is stupid! You're our mom; you can't do this! Is there anything you won't charge us for?" my oldest daughter asked.
"Absolutely," I said. "Hugs and kisses are always free and unlimited."
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