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Taxing goes with bragging rights
(by Barbara Christian - September 24, 2008)
Taxing goes with bragging rights
"Now, you've gone and done it," Miss Demeanor said as we settled into a corner booth at Yours Truly. "You have told folks from South Russell that they don't live in Chagrin Falls, and they are very upset."
"I know, got three calls about my trespasses this week," I told her. "You would have thought that column had ruined any chance for world peace in our time."
Let me stop here for just a minute and explain that Miss Demeanor is an old friend and can often be a contrarian to my Pollyanna. She has also lived here all her life and doesn't hesitate to remind me that I am a comparative newcomer and that for a short time I had lived in Auburn.
"But what's wrong with saying you're from Chagrin Falls, even if they aren't really," Miss D said. It's harmless 'let's pretend.'"
"Call it a form of intervention," I answered. "These folks should start feeling good about their South Russellness, their Bainbridge pride, their Moreland Hills status, their Hunting Valley voluptuousness ..."
"OK, I get it," Miss Demeanor said, interrupting my roll.
"The point is, those who really do live in Chagrin Falls are footing the bill, while some who do not are claiming it as home too, and that's not fair, economically speaking," I said.
"So it's a pay-to-play sort of thing, is it?" Miss D asked.
"Exactly. If you live in Chagrin Falls, you are going to find a village services replacement levy on the ballot in November and one for the police station in May. and we are still paying for streetscape," I said. "We pay for the charm, safety and services, and those who don't just go about willy-nilly saying, 'I live in Chagrin Falls.'"
"Well, then, how about a name-use tax?" Miss D suggested. "Like paying for naming rights, except in reverse, or maybe a users' tax."
"It just may be the money maker Chagrin Falls has been looking for, since Smith Barney moved out and took their tax cash with them," I said.
"Your attitude is not helping," Miss D said. "People are always going to say they live in Chagrin Falls when they don't, so do your nerves a favor and stop beating a dead horse."
"Well, it's not my fault," I answered. "I think I am channeling my first editor, Allen "Pete" Tenney. He was stubborn and had eye shades that doubled as blinders.
"He liked to say, 'If it didn't happen in Chagrin Falls, it didn't happen,' and he had a pet peeve about people saying they lived in Chagrin Falls just because the post office said they did.
"Then he would look over his glasses and tell us we had to find out where the people we wrote about really did live when he suspected they didn't live in Chagrin Falls.
"He'd smile -- and he rarely smiled -- and say folks from Auburn or Russell or wherever 44022 strayed could claim they lived in Chagrin Falls only if they slept in the Chagrin Falls Post Office at night."
"Kind of an inn," I added.
"Great idea!" Miss D enthused. "Then we could levy a bed tax."
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