[ back ]
Socialism flies, drives and bikes
(by Dave Lange - April 14, 2010)
Socialism flies, drives and bikes
"Listen, you lily-livered liberal, I'm getting ready to board a flight to Costa Rica, so I don't have time for chitchat. But even you have to admit that the so-called 'stimulus' money that's being thrown around by the Democrats in Washington is getting out of hand."
It was my old pal, Mush Limburger, on the line. I hear you loud and clear, Mush. I cannot believe the federal government has allocated more than $1.5 billion for Ohio to pour into transportation work, including a big chunk of money for improvements at the airport to subsidize business trippers and globe-trotters with deep pockets like you. With all that socialized airline travel, it's no wonder the deficit keeps growing.
"As usual, you're missing the point, airhead. I'm talking about the $577,000 in federal funds being awarded for Chagrin Falls to waste on bike trails and bike racks for schoolchildren."
Oh, you're complaining about the Safe Routes to School program, Mush. I do have to admit that it seems odd for a safe, affluent, conservative community like Chagrin Falls to get all that stimulus money, while the federal government doesn't seem to give a darn about the safety of kids going to school in low-income communities like East Cleveland or Garfield Heights.
"Like I said, you're missing the point. No matter where they send that pork, it's only left-wing nut jobs who want to walk or ride bicycles."
But Mush, not only will the Safe Routes to School program provide pedestrian paths, pavement markings, signage and bike racks, but it will help keep kids from walking and riding in the roadways, encourage them to get exercise and deploy police officers for increased safety.
"I'm telling you, all this malarkey about riding bicycles is a socialist conspiracy. And that goes for that silly manifesto to build trails along people's private property all the way from the Cleveland Metroparks to the Geauga Park District. It's even dumber to call bicycles 'alternative transportation' than it is to spend our tax dollars on a rail line for slowpokes from Cleveland to Cincinnati. Real Americans ride in cars."
Well, you know, Mush, real Americans ride in a lot of cars that are subsidized by public health care in foreign countries. Meanwhile, our government keeps spending tax money to build roads across people's private property, such as the $14 million Bainbridge Road reconstruction in Solon, which is another federal-stimulus project. Also, the state built the unwarranted Route 422 freeway extension to Geauga County right next to people's back yards, but I don't hear you calling that a conspiracy.
"Apparently, your leftist pea brain doesn't understand the fact that Ohio highway projects are funded by the state's tax on gasoline, which people with automobiles -- not bicycles -- pay for the patriotic freedom to drive."
Not only does your patriotic freedom go through the oil fields of socialist Venezuela and monarchical Saudi Arabia, Mush, but, if it smells like a tax, it probably is a tax. If my property taxes don't go to home builders and your cigarette tax doesn't go to tobacco farmers, why should our gas tax be pocketed by highway contractors? And by the way, a lot of our federal income taxes pay for our Navy to keep the shipping lanes safe for oil importers.
"Hey, they finished refueling the jet, so it's time for me to go. I need to get away from all this government regulation."
Uh, Mush, I thought you said you were going to Costa Rica.
"Click."
[ back ]
