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If simple words fail, book learning works
(by Christine Thome - July 21, 2010)
BEYOND MY CONTROL, BY CHRISTINE THOME
If simple words fail, book learning works
I have found that what is lost in translation is often gained in anticipation. Meaning that most people anticipate a certain response before they even ask a question, and they only hear what they want to hear.
For example, when my children know I am at my weakest, they will ask me, "Mom, can I have (insert: a new cell phone, a puppy, a pair of outrageously expensive tennis shoes, ice cream for dinner, a sleepover with 25 of my BFFs)?"
Because my brain synapses just don't fire as quickly as they once did, I tend to stall by answering my children's ridiculous requests with a deer-in-the-headlights stare, a loud thunk of my jaw hitting the floor and a simple five word response, "Let me think about it."
While my mouth may be uttering, "Let me think about it," my children only hear, "Absolutely, my sweet, little darlings. Buy several new phones so you have one for each purse. A puppy? How about the whole litter? You can never have enough shoes -- buy them in every color. Ice cream for dinner? Only if it's double-chocolate brownie. Twenty-five 13-year-old girls are spending the night? Why don't you invite all the girls in your grade -- you don't want to leave anyone out."
My children aren't the only ones who lose the translation of a message. I'm guilty of it too.
Last weekend, my husband, John, woke up to a beautiful Saturday morning and asked, "Would you mind if I went golfing for a few hours this afternoon, honey?"
But the only thing I heard was, "Is it OK if I blow off all of my husband and dad responsibilities to have a few beers, golf and smoke cigars with my buddies? I know the gutters need to be cleaned, and I know I promised you I would take the kids to the movies, so you could get some things done around the house, but this is a much better offer."
The other day, my young teenage daughter informed me that her friend's mother could take a group of girls to the mall and asked if I would be able to pick them up later in the afternoon. I said, "Sure, I need to get a few things at the mall for myself anyway. Why don't I meet you girls in the food court at 4 o'clock?"
Expecting me to pick them up outside, far from the eyes of any other teenagers within 30 miles of the mall, and only after she called me to tell me they were ready for my chauffeuring skills, my daughter interpreted my response as, "It's been forever since I've shopped with my girlfriends, so why don't I hang out with you girls the entire time? We can all shop for new bras and panties at Victoria's Secret, and I can help you meet some nice boys, not those questionable-looking ones who hang out at the video-game store."
Husbands are notorious for only hearing what they want to hear.
Not long ago, after a very long and frustrating day, I decided to grab my book and go to bed early, and I said to John, "I'm sorry, honey, but I'm really tired. It's been a crazy day, and I'm feeling very crabby, so I'm just going to go to bed, read for a little and try to fall asleep early. I love you." And I gave him a quick kiss good night on his bald head.
But what he heard was, "She told me she's going to bed early, because she wants me to come up early too! Woo hoo! She wants me! She wants me!"
Thankfully, after 20 years of marriage, my husband is finally able to interpret my death glares. So when he sheepishly opened the bedroom door with a goofy grin on his face, I immediately gave him a look that said, "What part of I'm crabby, tired and want to be by myself do you not understand?!"
This time, even though no words were exchanged, he heard my intended message loud and clear.
Or maybe it was the book I chucked at his head.
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