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School week can put some people to sleep
(by Christine Thome - September 02, 2010)
BEYOND MY CONTROL, BY CHRISTINE THOME
School week can put some people to sleep
Well, we did it. We made it through the first week of the new school year. This was no easy feat for three teenagers who haven't risen from their beds before noon in the last 65 days.
But they weren't the only ones who were tired by the end of the week. Maybe it was the struggle of hunting down 263 back-to-school items. Maybe it was having to fire up what is left of my brain to get through a simple algebra problem again. Or maybe it was a little too much self-induced fun I had with neighbors the night before. But whatever it was, by the time Saturday rolled around, I was exhausted and in desperate need of a nap.
If you don't know it by now, the perfect place to take an afternoon siesta is on a hammock. I'm telling you, everyone should have one in the back yard. Knowing perfectly well that John would never use a hammock, because it doesn't have a cup holder for his beer, I decided to buy it for him for Father's Day this year. Serves him right for buying me electronics on my birthday. Happy Father's Day to me!
After giving strict instructions to my children that I was not to be disturbed by anything other than a call to 911, I grabbed my book and headed out to the back yard.
The only thing I don't like about a hammock is trying to get into the hammock. Once I'm in, I'm fine, but getting into a hammock is like getting into a rickety rowboat during a monsoon. At least with a rowboat, if you tip over, your fall is softened with water. With the hammock, you just fall on the very hard, dirt ground. Trust me, I know.
Before attempting to get into the hammock, I scrutinized the woods very carefully to be sure no kids were videotaping a 43-year-old, uncoordinated woman attempting to place her lumpy, out-of-shape body into a swinging hammock. The last thing I want is to become a Youtube sensation.
Having gotten through the first chapter of my book with no distractions, I dog eared the page and began dozing off, only to be awoken by what sounded like a stadium full of vuvuzelas. Knowing I wasn't at the World Cup Games and pretty sure I wasn't being attacked by an angry mob of mosquitoes, I finally realized that they were not the sounds of vuvuzelas, but that of birthday party horns being blown by too many 6-year olds with absolutely no musical talent whatsoever. Some neighborhood kid was celebrating his birthday on my perfect nap day. Damn kids.
So I grabbed my book and headed into the comfy couch in the family room. This would have been a perfectly acceptable second choice for a nap if it wasn't for the three teenagers in the room.
Within minutes I was subjected to cries of, "Mom! His feet are touching me!"
"Mom! I'm bored and hungry!"
"Mom! You still have to get me book covers for school!"
Without answering one of them, I made a beeline for the stairs and my bedroom. Pulling the shades and turning on the ceiling fan, I settled into my pillows and began to relax. Until John opened the door.
"What are you doing?" he said slyly.
"Trying to take a nap," I gritted through my teeth.
"Good idea! I'll take a nap too," he said, leaping over me to his side of the bed.
"You hate naps. You can't ever sleep in the middle of the afternoon."
"I know something that will make me sleepy," he winked.
"Get. Out. Now!"
"You're no fun," he mumbled as he headed out the door and back to the kids.
After a few more moments of solitude, I realized that a nap was not going to happen and that perhaps we should take advantage of this beautiful day as a family and get outside.
As I made my way down the stairs I yelled, "Hey, guys! Why don't we all go out for ice cream?"
However, as soon as I rounded the corner, I found my entire family spread out among the couches.
Fast asleep.
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