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New cell-phone apps apt to appeal aplenty
(by Christine Thome - September 23, 2010)
BEYOND MY CONTROL, BY CHRISTINE THOME
New cell-phone apps apt to appeal aplenty
Earlier this year, my family insisted that I get a new cell phone. Apparently, my then-current model was an embarrassment and bringing disgrace upon our family. I wasn't carrying a 20-pound cell phone bag from the 1980s, but it was close. I think it still had a pull-out antenna.
I'm not much of a gadget girl. I couldn't care less about computer games and Xbox. Give me a dog-eared paperback novel stained with coffee spills over one of those hand-held reading devices that are currently all the rage. In fact, I don't even own a Cuisinart. However, I believe I still have my priorities in order, because I do own a pretty nice blender for making margaritas. I'm not a total loser.
So when my family insisted that I get an I-phone, I was very hesitant. I told them that all I needed my phone to do was to make calls and receive calls. Voice mail would be a nice option, and, if I could lose some weight in my fat thumbs, texting might be nice.
"But what about all the cool apps this phone can do?" my son asked.
"Since when can a phone make food?" I whispered to my husband, John.
"He means applications, not appetizers, honey," he explained patiently.
"Too bad! I'd pay just about anything for a phone that could make appetizers. You don't know how many times I've craved chili con queso with chips in the middle of the afternoon."
It's not easy to embarrass John, but I'd obviously just done it.
"We'll take it," he said to the salesperson, anxious to get his clueless wife out of the store.
As soon as we got home, the kids began putting all kinds of apps on my phone, and I began to research what kind of apps are out there. The answer? Just about anything you can image.
There's a movie theater app that will tell you what part of the movie is the best time to take a potty break so you don't miss the best parts. And I-fart turns your phone into a speaker of disgusting bathroom noises. I'm sure this has been used numerous times during solemn church ceremonies and discussions with the principal.
But there are a few apps that I could not find that I think would be very helpful.
The "Does This Make my Butt Look Big?" app is perfect for those times you need to buy a new pair of jeans and your best friend, the one who always gives you honest advice, can't go with you. Simply lock yourself in the dressing room, try on a pair of jeans and snap a photo of your backside with your phone.
Within seconds, you will either get a photo of a sexy woman and a cat-call whistle or you'll hear the "ding-ding-ding" sound of a vehicle backing up and a photo of a truck with a "wide load" sign on it.
How many times have you invited people over for dinner the next weekend, but, when the day arrives, you just don't have the energy to clean your house? The "Clean or Catastrophe" app will allow you to snap a photo of the room in question. Within moments, your phone will declare your room clean enough for the pickiest mother-in-law or suggest that, if you aren't going to clean it, then at least warn your guests with some bright yellow bio-hazard tape.
A photo of my son's room would cause the phone screen to display, "Excellent candidate for the TV show, 'Hoarders: Buried Alive.'"
I'm sure it won't be long until the Department of Motor Vehicles is able to tie our license plates into our cell phones. While I'm not sure that's such a great idea, it could be helpful to finally get a message out to those horrible drivers who annoy you.
Is there a slow driver in the left lane who refuses to move over or an idiot driver who cuts you off? With the "Virtual Vent" app, you can simply take a photo of the license plate and text (not while you're driving!) the other driver a kind and respectful message once you reach your destination.
Yea, right.
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