[ back ]
New driver practices from comfort of couch
(by Christine Thome - November 03, 2010)
BEYOND MY CONTROL, BY CHRISTINE THOME
New driver practices from comfort of couch
The following public-service announcement must be taken seriously. This is not a test.
Please stay off the sidewalks, your front lawn, the front porch, if you have one, and even your living room, if it looks out onto the street.
I understand that the political hunting season is finally over and you no longer have to avoid the door-to-door politicians. But for your safety, and the safety of your family, you must continue to avoid these areas, because another Thome child has a brand new driver's license.
This time around, it's my son who finally earned the privilege to drive, and let me tell you, there is a huge difference between teaching boys to drive and teaching girls to drive.
When my oldest daughter had her permit, she was a very eager student. On the surface, you would think this is a good thing. But not always. Although she towers over me in height, I felt like I had a toddler permanently attached to my hip, because I couldn't go anywhere without her.
"Where you going, Mom?"
"To the grocery store (drugstore, post office, dry cleaners, etc.)," I would mumble under my breath.
"Can I go with you? I'll drive!" She would scream with delight and be out to the car and strapped into the front seat before I could stop her.
"Where ya going, Mom?" she asked one afternoon.
"To the bathroom," I said.
"Can I go with you? Oh, wait, you're just going to the bathroom?" she giggled as she set the car keys back on the desk.
"Yes, the bathroom. Thanks for the offer, but I think I've got this one covered," I said, closing the bathroom door on her and checking the lock several times before making myself comfortable.
My son, on the other hand, has no desire to spend much time with me in the car.
"I'm going to the mall," I said one day. "It's a nice, long drive out there. Want to go? You can drive!"
"No, that's OK," he said, lounging on the couch and flipping through the channels.
"We need to get you out practicing. It's only another month or so until you can take the driving test," I told him.
"Don't worry, Mom, I've been practicing a ton," he said without taking his eyes off the television.
"What?!" I screamed. "You took the car out without me! Are you crazy? Do you know what could have happened? Don't even think about getting your license, mister, because you're grounded for life!"
I was ready to wrap my hands around his neck when he calmly announced, "Settle down, Mom. I didn't take the car out."
"Then how have you been practicing?" I asked before it dawned on me. "Wait, are you driving your friends' cars? Because that's even worse!"
"No, Mom, I'm not driving anyone's car. I've been practicing on Xbox." He said matter-of-factly.
"Oh, Xbox, well, that makes me feel a lot better," I said sarcastically, trying to hide my sigh of relief.
"Yea, I've been practicing on the Nazi Zombies and Grand Theft Auto games. I'm really good," he said.
"Well, if I'm ever trying to escape from drug dealers because I stole some pimp's car that's loaded with drugs and guns, it's good to know I have someone like you to help me out," I said.
"Exactly!"
"Come on, Pinocchio. You may be a real boy, but you are not a real driver. Get the keys and meet me in the car," I said.
Truth be told, my son is actually a very good driver, and you really have nothing to worry about.
Unless you're a Nazi Zombie or drug dealer.
[ back ]
