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Adoption option gives parents greater connection
(by Joan Demirjian - November 11, 2010)
Adoption option gives parents greater connection
By JOAN DEMIRJIAN
Lindsey Huling, of Auburn, and Alex Dimitruk, of Bainbridge, both attend Bowling Green State University. When they learned Ms. Huling was pregnant in 2008, they visited Bellefaire Jewish Children's Bureau's adoption center in Shaker Heights. They decided to take part in the "open adoption" program.
Amber Shulman, spokeswoman for Bellefaire, said an open adoption is a voluntary agreement between the birth family and the adoptive family to maintain an agreed-upon level of contact or openness.
Birth parents may decide to select the adoptive parents, have face-to-face contact, exchange identifying information or letters and establish an ongoing relationship, Ms. Shulman said.
As Ms. Huling's pregnancy progressed, they reviewed the profiles of families waiting to adopt. They settled on Patrick and Christina Connell as their choice to adopt their baby.
Mr. and Mrs. Connell, of Fairport Harbor, had gone to Bellefaire a year and a half earlier, looking to adopt a child.
The families met, and the adoption of little Luke Connell was finalized in October 2009. He was born at Geauga Medical Center in Claridon.
Today, the birth parents, although busy attending college classes, stay in touch with Mr. and Mrs. Connell.
They all took part in Bellefaire's recent biathlon and walk. The families had their own T-shirts with, "For the Love of Luke," on them.
The open-adoption program has worked out well for little Luke's birth parents and adoptive family, they said.
Ms. Huling said they have visited with Luke several times, including at the Connells' house.
"We have a close relationship with them. We want to stay involved in his life," Ms. Huling said. It can be emotional, she said. They went to the zoo for a visit, and leaving was difficult, she said. "But it's gone way better than I ever imagined," she said.
"We know he is happy," she said. "We hope to keep involved.
"It was the best decision at that time, and we want to give him a better life," Ms. Huling said.
Mr. Dimitruk, a 2009 graduate of Kenston High School in Bainbridge, said the walk "was a great experience."
The open adoption program has been a good experience, he said. "Lindsey and I thought it was the best choice for Luke."
They visited with him on his first Christmas and on his first birthday, as well as on other occasions, including the Bellefaire biathlon and walk last August.
"We try to stay in his life," Mr. Dimitruk said. "Every time we see him, he seems truly happy."
Mr. Connell said he and his wife "chose to build our family through adoption. We learned about open adoption at Bellefaire and went to classes on the weekends.
"We were on the list for two years. We went to Texas to visit my brother and we got a phone call from the social worker," Mr. Connell said. "When she called us, we were all excited. A couple had picked us out, through portfolios, pictures and other information."
"We met with them three times before the baby was born," Mr. Connell said. "The first time was at Bellefaire. We connected right away and met again with the social worker.
"We went to dinner and talked for hours like old friends," he said. "We asked if they would like us to come to the hospital after the birth. That was awesome. My wife then got the call to 'come to see your son.' We went to hold him.
"Their families were so supportive of this situation," Mr. Connell said. "They asked us what we would name him, and we said Luke," he said.
"We thank God every day for Lindsey and Alex," Mr. Connell said. "They are so mature and a godsend to us."
Mr. Connell said they recommend the open adoption to anyone.
They will tell Luke when he is able to understand that he is adopted, however, the birth parents will not have a say in the way he is raised, he said.
Christina Connell said they never intended to go with open adoption. However, they "fell in love" with the birth parents, and went forward, she said.
They have gotten together a couple times during the year, at Christmas, Luke's birthday, attending a Lake County Captains baseball game and at the Bellefaire Walk.
"I'm really glad he's comfortable with them," Mrs. Connell said of her son. As Luke grows older, they plan to answer any questions that come up about his adoption, she said.
The birth parents get to choose the adoptive parents, and Mrs. Connell said, "I think in the long run, it makes it a healthier situation. It gives peace of mind." Counseling is offered to the birth parents as well.
"They are wise beyond their years," Mrs. Connell said of Luke's birth parents. "And they were certain about their decision.
"I marvel at Lindsey and Alex. We couldn't have asked for a better situation," she said. "To Luke, they are 'his' Lindsey and Alex, and we're Mom and Dad," Mrs. Connell said.
She said they would like to adopt another child. "My sister-in-law and her husband adopted two children through Bellefaire," Mrs. Connell said.
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