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For frightful events, ghost must get in line
(by Christine Thome - October 15, 2008)
BEYOND MY CONTROL, BY CHRISTINE THOME
For frightful events, ghost must get in line
It's October -- the time for scary stories about lurking monsters and the mysteries of the unknown and unimaginable. No, I'm not talking about the election and the financial crisis. Those stories are far too scary to repeat.
I'm talking about ghosts and haunted houses.
As the owners of a home built in 1875, over 133 years ago, we are often asked if our house is inhabited by anything other than our immediate family.
To be completely honest, all six members of our family have experienced some kind of unexplainable event during our 11 years of residence. Nothing has been threatening or terrifying. In fact, it could simply be our imagination or a self-fulfilled prophecy to actually want to experience something supernatural in an old home. Nonetheless, we like to think there is the residing spirit of a former resident or perhaps a kind grandmother who has passed.
I've kept my beliefs about our home to myself for fear that my friends will think I am completely off my rocker. But then I thought about it and realized two things: one, I probably am crazy -- four kids and a goofy husband will do that to you; and two, I can use our resident ghost to my advantage.
When I misplace keys, important papers or the remote control, I can blame it on our ghost.
"Honey!" John yelled from the bathroom. "Why are your keys on the back of the toilet?"
Damn! That's where they are! I thought to myself.
Earlier in the afternoon, I broke several traffic laws driving like a maniac to get home before my extra-large coffee that I had consumed an hour earlier became a puddle on my floor mats. I must have been in such a hurry to get into the house that I brought the keys with me into the bathroom and left them on the back of the toilet.
Now, I could admit all this to my husband, who would roll his eyes at what must surely be early dementia setting in, or I could blame it on the ghost.
"Wow! The back of the toilet? That's crazy!" I said. "I've been looking for those keys all day, but I haven't been in that bathroom. Must have been our ghost playing games again."
Because spirits can be good or bad, most people don't want to question the playful activities of a ghost, so most of my flip explanations go without further comment.
Having a resident ghost also greatly decreases the amount of sleepovers our children have.
"Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the ghost give you too much fright!" I will say as I head up the stairs to my bed.
"Ghost? What ghost!" the visiting friend will certainly yell.
"Oh, we have a little ghost -- but don't worry, honey, she's very friendly," I reply sweetly.
"Can we please spend the night at my house, Mrs. Thome? I'm sure my mom will come and get us!" the friend will cry.
Works every time.
Finally, having a ghost allows me to slack off in the cleaning department. Everybody knows that ghosts don't inhabit brand new, sparkling clean homes. They tend to like the older homes with a bit of dirt and dust and cobwebs in the corners. So when guests know upfront that we have a resident ghost, their expectations of how clean my home should be goes way down.
"Honey," my husband said last week. "I know you've been really busy with work and getting the kids back into the school routine, but these ceiling fans are disgusting."
Looking up, I realized he was absolutely right. The ceiling fan that had been spinning all summer now looked like a giant, hairy spider that might start crawling across the ceiling at the first sight of a potential meal. And I didn't want that meal to be me.
"Just trying to be hospitable to our ghost!" I replied as I grabbed the duster.
No, there isn't anything scary about having a house with a resident ghost. If you really want to be scared, think about this: There's less than 70 shopping days until Christmas.
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