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Swimsuit season is no time to lose sleep
(by Christine Thome - March 17, 2011)
Swimsuit season is no time to lose sleep
We all talk about what a long, long winter it's been -- but has it really? It seems like Labor Day was just yesterday and I was happily putting my bathing suit away and swearing that I would be rewarding myself with a smaller one by the time the next dreaded swimsuit season came along.
I had six months to hit the gym, watch what I eat and improve my health. What do I have to show for this time? Nothing but a permanent dent in the couch cushion.
This crazy winter of snow and more snow made it very easy to hibernate inside, create delicious comfort foods in the slow cooker and enjoy a glass of wine or three in front of the warm fireplace. I parked my car in the garage, my butt on the couch, and neither of us got much mileage this winter. Good news for my car -- but not for me.
According to the calendar, spring break begins in one week. That gives me seven days to lose 25 pounds, or a little over 3 pounds a day. I've always worked better under pressure, but one week to fit into a bathing suit is pushing it, even for me.
Desperate times require desperate measures, and, short of wiring my mouth shut, which I seriously considered because I knew I could still sip my wine through a straw, I've had to become creative in my weight-loss attempts.
The experts say that stair climbers are great for cardiac workouts and toning the butt and leg muscles -- areas that haven't been toned since 1994. With no stair climber in our home, I chose to run up and down the front staircase. Because I never run unless I'm being chased, my little dog, Louie, thought it was his job to do just that -- chase me. Barking like a drill sergeant, Louie would run between my feet and, more than once, almost caused me to fall down the stairs and break every bone in my body.
The only upside to this scenario is that a full-body cast would prevent me from walking to the refrigerator, allowing me to lose 25 pounds in a very short amount of time.
So I gave up the stairs in favor of my bed. My husband was very excited by this idea, but I made it perfectly clear that I would be losing weight by sleeping more -- not extracurricular activities. According to the experts, people who get eight to 10 hours of sleep a night tend to lose more weight. Of course, you don't need a medical degree and hundreds of thousands of research dollars to know that, if you are asleep, you can't eat. But hey, I was willing to give it a try -- in the name of science, of course.
I loved the extra hours of sleep, but my family, house and job did not. Once I realized nothing was getting done while I was asleep, I started to panic, which induced out-of-control stress eating and an even greater loss of sleep.
I was about to give up all hope and pack a burqa to wear on the beach until I visited some second-graders at the local elementary school.
As I entered the classroom, I was greeted by 20 students sitting on what looked like Hippity Hops -- my favorite childhood toy. Because I had not been to a gym in quite a while, I didn't know that they were actually exercise balls and not Hippity Hops.
The teacher told me that sitting on exercise balls, instead of chairs, provided the kids a movement outlet while increasing their focus and strengthening their core stomach muscles.
I suddenly had an epiphany! If I changed out my office chair for an exercise ball, I could tone my abs and exercise without ever really exercising. My muffin tops would disappear, my stomach would flatten, and I would be in a smaller bathing suit before spring break.
When I brought my exercise ball to the office, my co-workers laughed and questioned my sanity.
I ignored their snickers and proudly exclaimed, "You just wait! I'm going to have the abs of a second-grader in no time."
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