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Gunslingers must be teetotalers
(by Barbara Christian - April 28, 2011)
WINDOW ON MAIN STREET, BY BARBARA CHRISTIAN
Gunslingers must be teetotalers
Those fun-loving legislators in Columbus, the ones who are elected to represent our best interests, have come up with a really good idea. Here's what they asked themselves: How about we pass a law allowing people to carry concealed weapons in bars and restaurants? What could possibly go wrong?
But just when you thought that was too wacky even for Columbus, they are actually considering it. Watching the would-be law make its way through the legislative paces is like waiting for the inevitable train wreck at an unmarked crossing. Problem is, that crossing is in your neighborhood.
In Chagrin Falls, the State Liquor Control Board has issued a total of 13 liquor licenses. Of these, seven belong to bars and restaurants which have the potential of hosting who knows how many secret gunslingers.
All are within our quaint and compact downtown. Together, Jekyll's Kitchen, Gamekeepers Tavern and its wine bar, Rick's, Joey's, Umami, Yours Truly and Raintree occupy an area not much bigger than the OK Corral.
Now think what our town might be on a Saturday night with everyone packing heat. Add a glass or two of spirits, a too-tough steak, a grumpy customer with a gun in his pocket, and it's "High Noon" time in Chagrin Falls.
Oh, ye of little faith, you say? As we know, if this does become law, those who drink and choose to carry concealed weapons are going to lock them in the trucks of their cars, pickup trucks or Humvees just as soon as they see that cross-hatched gun sticker on the door of the restaurant or bar they wish to patronize, because every single one of them is sober and law abiding.
Which brings us to the second point. According to this badly conceived would-be law, you can bring a concealed gun into a bar or restaurant just so long as you are a teetotaler. That should really ease our minds.
So why are we even considering this law? Two words: "gun lobby." It always gets what it wants, because it has skillfully equated the guns-anytime-anywhere mantra with "God bless America" patriotism. And the gun lobby has gained the reputation of making or breaking politicians.
Question: Can you recall a gun law the gun lobby ever lost? But do they really have all the power we have assigned to it, you ask? Good question. Could the gun lobby be a toothless lion with a growl louder than its bite?
How will we ever know unless we test the depth of that bite once in a while? Naive? Maybe. Problem is, few politicians are willing to be the guinea pig in that exercise.
You and I know allowing concealed firearms in places where alcohol is served is a bad idea. But being forewarned is to be forearmed, so to speak.
There are safeguards available. Bar and restaurant owners can install metal detectors and administer breath tests at the door. Sure, these solutions are not very welcoming, but, hey, better safe than sorry.
In the Old West, at least in those movies we watched as kids, saloon keepers solved their gunslinger problem by hanging a sign outside requiring cowpokes and outlaws check their weapons at the door.
Not sure that would work, but we, as unarmed patrons, can protect ourselves by taking note of another popular movie genre, the mob flick, which wisely advises, when patronizing a bar or restaurant, never sit with your back to the door.
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