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Men's inflated needs roll round and round
(by Christine Thome - November 12, 2008)
Men's inflated needs roll round and round
Home expenses are never fun, but some, like new paint or wallpaper, a new couch or a new landscaping, can be exciting for the instant gratification they bring.
Other expenses, like a new furnace, hot-water heater or roof, just lack that sexy feel-good-about-spending-my-money emotion. In fact, I call these expenditures CIGOVI expenses. CIGOVI stands for "Can I Go On Vacation Instead?"
We had a CIGOVI expense last week when my folically challenged husband announced that the tires on my SUV were shinier and balder than the top of his head and that, if I didn't get new tires before winter, I wouldn't have enough traction to make it into the driveway on a snowy day.
I wasn't thrilled with the idea of having to push my large automobile up the driveway, but I was even less thrilled about spending money on something as boring and stupid as tires.
"Do they all need to be replaced?" I asked, hoping for some kind of concession. You know, like two new tires for the car and a new chair for the living room.
"Uh, yes, Chris, they all need to be replaced at the same time," he said, looking at me like I was a moron for asking such a stupid question.
"That's going to be expensive, isn't it? Christmas is coming, and I hadn't really figured tires into the budget," I said.
"We don't have a choice, honey. It's a safety issue."
"Hey, kids! Guess what?" I yelled to our four children, who were watching television in the next room. "You're each getting one new tire for Christmas! Isn't that wonderful?!"
So, later in the week, I found myself spending the better part of my morning getting new tires put onto my car. Flipping through a 1995 edition of Good Housekeeping, I felt a wave of depression -- or maybe it was the overwhelming scent of rubber tires causing my eyes to tear -- as I looked at the magazine's decorating ideas, knowing I wouldn't be able to update my house for a while after the cost of these stupid tires. Not even to 1995 standards.
As I drove home from the tire shop, my husband called my cell phone.
"Hi, honey," I mumbled.
"Well, how are the new tires?" he asked excitedly.
"I don't know. They're tires. They go round and round, and the car moves. I guess they're fine."
"But don't you feel a difference? Doesn't the car drive better?" he begged me for details.
"Look, I don't expect you to notice when I get my hair cut or wear a new sweater, so don't expect me to get excited about new tires," I said as I hung up on him.
Later that afternoon, I picked up my teenage son and his friend from basketball practice. Before he could get his seat belt on, my son exclaimed, "What's different? The car's riding much higher! Did you pump up the tires?"
"You're kidding me, right?" I asked him.
"What?"
"Dad told you I was getting new tires today, didn't he?" I probed.
"No! I just noticed that the car rides much smoother, and I feel like I'm sitting up higher," he answered.
"Yep! Huge difference, Mrs. Thome," his friend said from the back seat. "I can feel it too." Obviously, new tires are a guy thing.
"You are so much like your father, it's scary," I said to my son.
That evening, my oldest daughter and I drove to the grocery store. "Where were you this morning?" she asked. "I forgot my lunch, and I tried to call you, but you weren't home."
"The car needed new tires. Do you notice a difference?" I asked her.
"Uh, no, they're just stupid tires. Why would I care?" she replied. "But your new haircut looks great, and I love that sweater. Is it new?"
She's so much like me, it's wonderful!
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