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Big payback in store for non-endorsements
(by Christine Thome - August 25, 2011)
BEYOND MY CONTROL, BY CHRISTINE THOME
Big payback in store for non-endorsements
Used to be that major corporations paid people millions of dollars to wear their clothing, names or logos.
Professional athletes make more in Nike endorsements than they do in salaries. Who knew that sporting a pair of tennis shoes or a colorful sports bra with a check mark on it could be so profitable?
But this lucrative product placement has always been out of reach for us regular Joes.
My husband, John, has some prime real-estate space on the top of his bald head that I always thought could be tattooed with an advertisement or two. Something like, "Make your dishes shine as bright as my head -- use Cascade!" "Try Bic pencils -- strong, pointed and hard -- just like the top of my head!"
I don't understand why our phone isn't ringing off the hook.
But times, they are a changing.
Just last week, Abercrombie and Fitch asked Mike "the Situation" Sorentino, of the MTV program "Jersey Shore," to please refrain from wearing its clothing. And they would make it well worth his while to do so.
Seems the company that has bordered on lewd pedophile images for years and whose clothing can be found on the Facebook pages of drunk high school and college-aged kids playing beer pong has decided that "the Situation" does not portray the image they want.
Is it all a publicity stunt? You bet. And a very good one, because we're all talking about it. But let's look at the big picture.
And by big, I mean very, very big.
Anyone who made a trip to Cedar Point or a county fair this summer knows exactly what I mean. If you've ever felt down or depressed about the state of your body, you only need to pay admission to one of these fine establishments, and your disposition will immediately be looking on the sunny side. Probably after you've inadvertently witnessed someone's "full moon" when he bends over to pick up his toddler's dropped pacifier.
Maybe I'm not one to talk. My weight is far from where I would like it to be, but the difference between me and the "tremendous tummies" and "tube-top ta-tas" at the fair is that I know I am out of shape and yet I try to dress appropriately.
I don't wear skinny jeans for one, single reason. I'm not skinny.
But if "the Situation" can become rich by being asked not to wear certain clothes, then maybe I can too. This is exactly why I wrote to Lori Greely, the CEO of Victoria's Secret.
Dear Ms. Greely,
Enclosed, please find a wedding photo of me 21 years ago. As you can see, I was in excellent shape and my drawers were filled with your offerings.
Also enclosed is a photo of me today. I'm just as happy, but as you can see, I am also a little larger. Four kids in four years will do that to you. Not to mention that the last birth was 13 pounds and 40 inches long. OK, it was twins, but still -- the damage was permanent.
Those twins are now 15 years old and love to shop in your "Pink" section. Their closets are filled with "Pink" sweat pants, sweat shirts and pajamas. From time to time, they discard these items, because they've stained or outgrown them.
I will admit that I have been tempted to take their cast-offs to wear while working in the yard or running errands around town. They just look so darn comfortable! But what looks adorable on my beautiful daughters looks quite frightening on me.
For one, you would need a concave mirror to read the "Pink" sprawled across my fanny because it stretches from one hip to another. Plus, no woman over the age of 30 should be wearing bright neon colors unless she's going to an '80s party.
This is why I'm suggesting that it would be well worth the future of your brand to ensure that I never wear your clothing in public. A flat fee of $250,000 should squash any temptation.
Although I have yet to hear back from Victoria's Secret, I'm already writing my next letter on John's behalf to Speedo.
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