[ back ]
Coffee cures election hangover
(by Barbara Christian - November 17, 2011)
WINDOW ON MAIN STREET, BY BARBARA CHRISTIAN
Coffee cures election hangover
Three old guys walk into a coffee shop. No, really, it's not a joke.
This trio -- we'll call them Tom, Dick and Harry -- meet every Monday at a diner somewhere in the Chagrin Valley, because they enjoy each other's company, and, as they put it, no on else will listen to them.
Tom, Dick and Harry say this is because they have an unwelcome superpower. Invisibility. It happens when you get old and become irrelevant -- at least in the eyes of the young. What the kids are missing, according to the old guys, is their true superpowers -- wisdom and a finely honed sense of humor.
And so we are giving Tom, Dick and Harry this space to show their stuff. We asked them to talk about the Nov. 8 election while we listened in.
Tom: "How about that union-bustin' Issue 2? That was a good old-fashioned buggy whipping and ought send a message to the Statehouse.
Harry: "Voters were following a national trend. They 'occupied SB 5.'"
Dick: "They not only occupied it, they owned it then sold it back to the governor with a great big surcharge, his possible not-gonna-happen re-election. The whole thing was ill-advised from the git-go."
Tom: "Ill advised is too kind. What dummy goes up against guys in the TV ads turned out in fire gear and police uniforms. And didn't we all learn in grade school to never mess with a librarian?
Dick: "Maybe our governor was shushed by a librarian too many times. Whatever, he left his brain at the door on that one."
Harry: "Or he left his brain in the hands of someone else, a puppet master."
Tom: "Now, that is a disgusting thought and an image I would get out of my head for a long time."
Harry: "Speaking of brains, what happened to the judgeship race out in Geauga County? Conventional thinking was Matt Lynch was gonna win."
Tom: "Yeah, how does a Democrat win that in Geauga County? What the hell happened? The rapture must be coming. Hee hee hee."
Dick: "It's the name ... 'Lynch.' Bad visual. Lynch, judge, lynch, judge, get it? A lynching judge instead of a hangin' judge. I'm full of 'em. If he runs again, he needs to change his name."
Harry: "And he needs to get rid of that billboard in front of his place on Chillicothe Road. Lots of folks found his messages offensive."
Tom: "Yeah. The anti stuff he put up there didn't do him any favors."
Dick: "Nope, they weren't worded -- oh, how shall I put this? -- very judiciously. Whoooo-wheee, another zinger."
Tom: "And what about the parkland issue in Chagrin Falls? What was that all about? Were they sawing down the redwoods?"
Harry: "Naw, they were fightin' over a cement slab. Called it a park. Didn't want a restaurant to have it so folks could eat outside. Hell, people eat in the park next to it."
Tom: "Parkland, schmarkland. Sounds like 'cementland' to me."
Dick: "I went over to see what the flap was about, and all I saw was an air conditioner and a garbage can. That's what they wanted to save?"
So there you have it, three old guys talking in a coffee shop somewhere in the Chagrin Valley. And you thought they were invisible.
[ back ]
