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These gifts must have reason
(by Barbara Christian - November 30, 2011)
WINDOW ON MAIN STREET, BY BARBARA CHRISTIAN
These gifts must have reason
Congratulations! You have survived pre-Black Friday, Black Friday and Cyber Monday but still haven't gotten a gift for that one person who is so relentlessly hard to buy for.
We here at Window on Main Street feel your pain and, as we do every year, have compiled a list of gifts just right for these hard-to-please someones.
The suggested items are real, gleaned from the 475 pounds of gift catalogs received between Oct. 1 and Nov. 25 here at our South Main Street world headquarters and offices. We call it our 2011 Bazaar of the Bizarre.
Please note, this year, as a special service, we have noted the appropriate recipient for each of our picks.
MARATHON IMBIBER
-- A wine hourglass (set of four, $75) has an actual two-part hourglass as its stem. Martini set also available at the same price.
MASOCHIST
-- Decorative snow gauge ($35.99) measures up to 4 feet of the stuff. Shovel not included. Rain gauge ($9.95) measures up to 6 inches but does not come with an ark.
PORK LOVER
-- Bacon string lights ($19.95), bacon ornament ($8.95), true color bacon-shaped rug 52 by 14 inches ($29.95). None of the above are bacon flavored, as far as we know.
FOREVER SOPHOMORE
-- Toilet-shaped paper-clip holder ($16.99) topped with a seated man whose butt is a magnet. Lift the man, and, voila, a paper clip at your fingertips. No, we are not kidding.
BEER LOVER
-- Leather-like holster with leg strap ($9.98) for fast-draw access to his or her favorite bottle of hops.
FOODIE
-- Hard-boiled-egg cups (six for $9.98). Hard-boiled eggs out of their shells. The question remains: Why?
ALSO FOR FOODIE Stuffed-pepper pan ($24.95) shaped sort of like the base of a pepper. Really? Add a "pepper prepper" ($8.95) used to pluck out the stem. Note: These are for those who really do have everything.
CANDLE ADDICT Pair of tin wings ($9) which can be stuck into each side of any candle to create a candle with wings. Yes, we know.
TERMINALLY BORED Cast-iron owl face and feet, which can be stuck into apples and pears to make them look like an owl. OK, then what?
SLEEPLESS BED PARTNER Camel-shaped anti-snore pillow ($59.99, pillowcase for $19.99) is purported to "maintain an open airway."
SHOPPER Personal credit-card swiper ($69.99). Connects to any computer for online purchasing. What could possibly go wrong?
NOSY PARKER App-controlled spy vehicle ($149.99) with 200-foot range relays images to your phone or tablet. Also perfect for the stalker.
LAY-ABOUT Room-tidying robot ($69.95) rolls from room to room picking up objects and depositing them in its cargo hold. It also complains by saying, "Too heavy," when it wimps out, or, "Uh ... little help please," when it gets stuck. Why, it's like having a live-in brother-in-law.
Well, that's just about it. We hope you found at least one solution to your gift-giving dilemmas. If not, what can we say? You are on your own.
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