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Relational aggression delivers new chapter
(by Sali McSherry - December 30, 2008)
Relational aggression delivers new chapter
By Sali McSherry
Some mothers want their daughters to be on the cheerleading squad no matter what it takes or whom it hurts.
Others might volunteer to be the coaches of the soccer team so their daughters will be on first string or plan the talent show at school to make sure their daughter is the one who shines like a star. Others may just like to make life difficult for other mothers and their daughters.
And Chagrin Falls writer Janet Kuivila, who is a mother and has encountered those types of women, she said, has done something about it. In her third book of the series "Gamma Girls in Chagrin Falls, A Gamma Girl Christmas," the focus is on mean mothers and the mean daughters they raise, she said.
Last week, she sold over 80 autographed books to girls at a talk about relational aggression among girls at Valley Lutheran Church in Chagrin Falls.
It's a level of bullying that hasn't been addressed, she said. "It's about the control-freak moms who have to win. The ones who regress back into their teen years." It's also about girls who need to learn to be more adult than their mothers, Mrs. Kuivila said.
Her series, which began with Lillie and Rose, two fourth-grade girls who are new to Chagrin Falls, and meet by accident. As new students at their school, they learn quickly the hierarchy of girl peers, Mrs. Kuivila said. Like in wolf packs, there are the alpha girls who are the bossy leaders, she said.
"They attempt to control the others, telling them what to do, what to wear, how to think and with whom to be friends." The beta girls are the followers. And then there are the gamma girls, like Lillie and Rose, who discover they can think for themselves, are kind and solve problems creatively instead of aggressively, Mrs. Kuivila said.
With a doctorate in psychology and a master's degree in social work, Mrs. Kuivila was a therapist for many years, she said. She is now writing and she and her husband, Tom, are raising their three children, Parker, Ellie and Reed.
The Gamma Girls of Chagrin Falls stories are designed, she said, to "teach about girl aggression, bullying, relationships and being a good friend."
Mrs. Kuivila said she has received countless e-mail messages from women who have told her how much she helped them to understand why they were the victims and that they weren't alone, they weren't the only ones being bullied. She said one woman said her books helped put her childhood to rest.
Proceeds from the sale of the third book will go to the Haiti Mission Fund.
Mrs. Kuivila is available for author lectures and signings. At school events, she has talked about girls and relational aggression, bullying through the development states and how to start and run a circle for girls, also known as Gamma Girl groups.
For more information, call (440) 247-6486.
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