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It's not parks that are mixed up
(by Dave Lange - January 15, 2009)
COUNTY LINE, BY DAVE LANGE
It's not parks that are mixed up
"Haayy, ma-a-a-a-n, how ya doooon?"
It was my old pal, Mush Limburger, on the line. Mush, have you been drinking?
"Shince I shuffered that ter-r-r-rble hangnail back in 2003 and had to go on the pain medshun, I don't drink no mo-o-ore -- hee, hee -- but I don't drink no lesh neeether. Anyhoo, I took the advishe of the Jogga Park Dishrick and am doooon my conshumshun out in the woods an' on da trail."
Mush, the Geauga Park District has very strict rules regarding the consumption of alcohol. It's only permitted by adults of legal age in certain shelters when they are properly reserved for approved social gatherings. There's no drinking allowed on any of the park trails. Where are you, anyway?
"Um, could be Fro-o-o-oh-ri-i-ing Meadows in Bainbridge, cuz I rememmer a meadow, but I can't see it now. Mebbee it's the Rookee in Munson, cuz there's a emmtee beer can on the trail. Oh, wait a mint, dat's my beer can that I jess set down there, and, oh, good, iss not emmtee. So, I guessh I'm at Sunbook park in Chester, since somebody's house is right over there."
Listen, Mush, regardless of whether you're at Frohring Meadows, the Rookery or Sunnybrook Preserve, you better not be drinking beer in any of the parks, unless you're in a reserved shelter and you have a permit. Otherwise, you're breaking the law, and the park rangers conduct regular patrols. Even if you did have a permit, you could get arrested for public intoxication.
"No, you lishen, ol' pal, the Jogga Park Dishrick is the only one in the world where you're allowed to drink, because some judge in Chardon says so. An if it's OK with da judge, ishh OK by me too."
That's ridiculous, Mush. There are plenty of parks that permit responsible alcohol use in certain facilities. After all, if they rent out shelters for family reunions and such, the money they bring in helps offset the cost of maintaining the parks. Furthermore, the judge who appoints community leaders to serve on the park district board of directors doesn't dictate what policies they make.
"Woa! Didja hear dat? I muscht be at Big Creek Park, because a hunter jesh shot at me. I didn't know I looked like a deer doe. Oops, my bad, it wush my own gun -- sealed carry, you kno-o-o-w."
Oh, no, Mush, be careful. I know the Ohio Supreme Court ruled last fall that concealed guns carried by people with proper permits cannot be prohibited from parks. But, regardless, if you carry a gun under disability, that's big trouble, Mush.
"I shee that house again over there. They shouldn't be puttin' parks near houses. People gotta right to privates, ya kno-o-o-w."
Personally, I'd kind of like having a park close to my house, so I could take regular walks and meet other people on the trails, Mush. It would be a lot better than having a freeway in my back yard or a fast-food restaurant or a busy office building. But some people complain about anything.
"Ma-a-a-a-n, that guy musch be drunk the way hish car is shwervin'. They shouldn't let people drink in the parks, ya kno-o-ow, cuz then they drive drunk. Never mind, that was me shwervin' as I got back up. Oh, boy, thashh my own car, and it's not mooovin'. It's parked in my driveway. And that's my house. What's it dooon next to the park? No, that's not the park. It's my own back yard. I musch be a little mixed up he-e-e-re."
That's OK, Mush. You're not the only one.
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