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Noise ordinance needs tweaking
(by Barbara Christian - January 21, 2009)
WINDOW ON MAIN STREET, BY BARBARA CHRISTIAN
Noise ordinance needs tweaking
One of the more interesting things local governments do from time to time is try to legislate sound. They call this the "noise ordinance."
But isn't noise in the ear of the beholder? If this law passes in Chagrin Falls, we will have designated beholders. But more about them later.
When we were kids, in-ear music players had not been invented, so we listened to our music on the radio, phonograph or tape player. That meant the entire household could hear it too, and it caused our parents to shout the universal phrase: "For the love of God, will you please turn down that noise."
To which we would answer: "It's not noise, it's Dickie Doo and the Dots," or whatever group was popular at the time. But I digress.
Chagrin Falls is updating its formerly unenforceable "noise ordinance" with another, more detailed but still unenforceable noise ordinance, in this humble opinion.
Why? Maybe law directors got together and decided to have a sale on noise ordinances. Or maybe it's pressure from the Designated Noise Holders of North American.
As far as local noise goes, the major offenders are the trash collectors who service the commercial district. The job requires workers to dump one-ton garbage Dumpsters into four-ton trucks. Both are made of metal, and the racket wakes neighbors and causes birds to fall out of the trees.
To help the collective nerves of the neighbors and their feathered friends, the proposed law states that garbage collectors may not do their job before 7 a.m. six days of the week and never on Sunday.
Most will agree that is a law everyone can live with, even though, in our seven-day-a-week society, Sunday seems arcane.
The law, which lists a number of annoying audibles, gets silly when it tries to quantify and qualify sound and when it turns into plain old noise. The offenders include steam whistles, unless they are used to call workers to the plant for their shift. Do we really think Chagrin Falls will become an industrial center again?
The ordinance goes on to list other sounds which could run afoul of the law, if deemed "unnecessary." These include grating and grinding sounds, rattling, sounds from internal-combustion engines and frequent and prolonged sounds from pet birds and other animal friends or audible security alarms.
The official description of noise is that which disturbs "the peace, quiet and comfort of any reasonable person of normal sensitivity ..." These are the designated beholders I was telling you about. But who are they? I'd like to know who just one of these reasonable and normal people. And how much are they paid. Where do I go to sign up? The law is silent on this point.
Some noise is acceptable if it comes from a police car, ambulance, fire engine, emergency vehicle, safety signals and warming devices. Also exempt from the law are sporting events, parades, fireworks, festivals and lawfully scheduled concerts, public entertainment and school bells.
There is another sound that's permitted by the law. For some unexplained reason, jack hammers are OK. To my knowledge, they are as ear splitting as they ever were. There is only one reason why jackhammers are permitted. The very active jackhammer hammer.
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