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Hearty signature has smile turning around
(by Christine Thome - February 04, 2009)
BEYOND MY CONTROL, BY CHRISTINE THOME
Hearty signature has smile turning around
"Please tell me that you did not just sign your first legal document with a heart," I said to my daughter as she admired her carefully penned signature on her brand new driver's license. The "i" in Jessica was topped, not with a quick dot, but with a fat, perfect little heart. She had obviously practiced this.
"What?" she said. Her tone was not asking me a question. It was telling me to bug off, because I obviously had no idea what I was talking about. Again.
"This is a legal document, and driving a car is a serious thing. Your signature says a lot about you," I said. "I hope it never happens, but what if a police officer pulled you over? He would take one look at 'Jessica' with a heart and think you're a ditzy teenager."
"No he wouldn't," she defended herself. "He would think I am kind and compassionate. Plus, not all police officers are men, Mother."
I almost told her I didn't think too many women who dotted their "i's" with hearts went into the police academy, but I didn't want to offend the policewomen in the room. Particularly the ones behind the counter wearing large name tags that read "Jill" and "Lisa."
"At least you can read my signature," my daughter sneered at me.
She had me there. I call my signature the "flat-line signature." It starts off strong with a large "C" and a loop of an "h" then dies quickly with a few little bumps followed by a straight, flat line. Believe it or not, this signature reads, Christine M. Thome.
But if you look back 20 years ago at the signature on my Social Security card or marriage certificate, you'll see that it wasn't always illegible. In fact, although I never dotted my "i's" with hearts, it was a very kind and compassionate signature. Now, my signature tells people to hurry up and get out of my way.
"I used to have a very readable, beautiful signature," I told my daughter.
"What happened?" she asked.
"I had to write checks in the checkout lane of the grocery store with four children under the age of 5 in tow. By the end of the grocery outing, most of you were either poopy or screaming and grabbing at every display," I said. "Trust me, everyone wanted us out of there as quickly as possible. I couldn't sign my checks fast enough."
One would think, now that teenagers text and type more than they write, ditzy girls dotting their "i's" with hearts would be a thing of the past. But you're wrong. There is now a font called Lovesick AOE that you can download, and it will automatically dot all your "i's" with hearts. I have to imagine that most professors and teachers who are forced to read a typed book report on "Pride and Prejudice" with every little "i" dotted by a heart might be a tad more prejudiced of the student than prideful.
And if the "i" dotted with a heart isn't enough to drive you crazy, what about those silly little emoticons people insert in their e-mails? What absolutely amazes me is the number of professional e-mails I receive, from grown men and women, that have these dancing icons in them.
"Bad news everyone (insert frowning emoticon). Sales were down for the fourth straight quarter. The boss (insert screaming emoticon) wants to have a meeting tomorrow morning. The good news is that there will be donuts (insert smiley emoticon)!"
I thought perhaps it was only my oldest daughter who dotted her "i's" with a heart. But the other day I returned home from errands to find a handwritten note next to the telephone. It was in my youngest daughter's handwriting.
"Mom! Call Mrs. White!" The "i" in White was dotted with a big, loopy heart.
Insert emoticon of mother pulling out her hair.
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