[ back ]
Granted fair warning, let's get with program
(by Christine Thome - February 11, 2009)
BEYOND MY CONTROL, BY CHRISTINE THOME
Granted fair warning, let's get with program
For two years, the American public has been told repeatedly that, on Feb. 17, 2009, all television signals will be converted from analog to digital.
For two years, nearly every single television show has been interrupted with a scrolling message from the government warning Americans to either buy a new television or secure a coupon for a convertor box before Feb. 17, 2009.
For two years, public-service announcements have been distributed through print, radio and television to tell Americans to get ready for the conversion before Feb. 17, 2009.
Now, the government has decided that, after two years, or 730 days of repeated warnings, the American public is still not ready for the conversion. To be more specific, 5 percent of the American population is not ready, and we must push back the conversion date to June.
Five percent? This means a full 95 percent of the population is ready for the conversion. When have you ever had a 95 percent compliant rate at work, at home or on a committee? I consider a 40 percent approval rating from my family on a new meatloaf recipe a huge thumbs up.
Better yet, when have you ever had two years to prepare for anything?
Having a baby? You've got nine months to get ready. Planning a wedding? Probably less than a year. What can possibly be more important than getting married or starting a family?
Unfortunately, there will always be idiots out there who, no matter how many times you tell them to be prepared, will not be prepared.
"Martha! The TV ain't working. Put some more tin foil on the bunny ears."
"What day is it, Frank? I think maybe we were supposed to get a converter box or something by now."
"I don't know anything about that. Darn TV! Tell one of the kids to get on the roof and knock around the antenna a bit."
"But Frank! It's February. There's snow and ice on the roof. It's dangerous!"
"Martha, don't argue with me. 'The Biggest Loser' is on in 10 minutes."
Now, it's clear why the new conversion date will be in June. The government doesn't want to be responsible for the idiots who climb on their snow-covered roofs on Feb. 17 to "fix" what they believe to be a broken antenna.
Another important date in February that gets ignored by at least 5 percent of the male population is Valentine's Day. Like the two years of warning for the analog-to-digital conversion, one would think no man could possibly miss the candy, mushy cards and stuffed animals that populate every single store. Heck, retailers even try to help these guys out by displaying the Valentine's Day stuff during the last shopping week of Christmas so that when they shop for their wives on Dec. 24 they have a little warning that another gift-giving holiday that is only important to women is less than 45 days away. But alas, it's no use.
"Frank, do you have any idea what holiday it is today?"
"We already celebrated Groundhog Day a few weeks ago, Martha. I thought that was the only holiday in February."
"No, Frank, it's Valentine's Day today."
"Well, I'll be darned. That one sure snuck up on me. How come I didn't know anything about this?
Silence from Martha.
"I know, Martha! They pushed the analog-to-digital conversion date back to June. Why don't we do the same and celebrate Valentine's Day on June 14?"
"Watch it, Frank, or you're going to have tin-foil bunny ears sticking out of your behind."
[ back ]
